MAKING SMART, INFORMED CHOICES IN HEALTHY LIVING

By Coralie Raia Darsey-Malloy

Everyone wants independent choice…
whatever that may cost…
and wherever it may lead.

--Fyodor Dostroyevsky

When I began my quest for health and wholeness in the mid-eighties much of what has gained mainstream acceptance was considered ‘fringe new age thinking” and viewed with suspicion or flatly rejected. When David and I met in 1990 I made his head spin with my concern about the free radicals and high glycimic factor in his diet. I rambled on about that and the importance of low fat, moderate carbohydrate diet and using food combining as a way to lose weight. He and others patted me on the head and admitted that it all sounded a little too weird for them at the time. Now these ideas have been accepted and utilized by many because they are endorsed by researchers. The growing emphasis on healthy living has created less polarity within formal medicine and complimentary healing systems.

This trend has already started towards more sensitive patient care with a multitude of options that were not available even twenty years ago. The emerging changes in preventative health and wellness techniques can and does compliment today’s precision diagnostic services. Inevitably, professional patronizing, and obscure terminology will give way to cooperative educational approaches, and client-orientated therapies. Future medicine like future world politics, will increasingly acknowledge choice making and empowerment of the individual.

Even before these changes are fully implemented, there is much we can all do to optimize our health. Eating less and eating well are basic premises of preventative self- care. Avoiding the known health hazards of smoking, alcohol, fat, sugar, caffeine, salt and processed foods are another commonsense approach. Breakthroughs in health care reveal that many of the diseases and ailments being treated by symptom relief alone can be readily overcome with social and lifestyle changes.

A long, healthy life is a reasonable expectation under most conditions, and self-reliant health care involves one’s authority over their right to choose what they determine is best for them. As the paradigm of whole-person healing continues to evolve, the knowledge it brings not only liberates it unites people as well. Today personal fitness and healing practices once considered outlandish are gaining mainstream credibility—because they work. Large corporations are underwriting relaxation and stress management courses to reduce employee absenteeism. Insurance companies offer financial incentives to non-smokers and aerobic dancers. Healing in the 21st century will witness the final convergence of science and psychology, body and soul.

As science, medicine, the biology of emotion and thought, humor, health and healing attitudes are promoted as a plausible option to symptom relief, drug therapy, invasive procedures there will be more inclination to become well informed before choosing any course of treatment. New attitudes and modalities provide much hope in the form of simple, yet powerful whole-person self-care systems. They are often equally or more effective than prescriptions and are cost effective, encourage self-responsibility, do no harm, educational, fun and provide positive outcomes! So the good news is…there truly are many ways to achieve health, wholeness and abundant living for those willing to explore options and think outside the box.

TWO PATHWAYS TO HEALTH AND HEALING

By Coralie Darsey-Malloy

When you buy a pill
and buy peace with it…
you get conditioned to
cheap solutions…
instead of deep ones.

--Max Lerner

It is becoming increasingly evident that our health care system needs healing. In the past, modern health care has been largely devoted to pathology management of sickness caused by our own “civilized living.” This contemporary model has been built upon a contagion theory of disease. Within this paradigm a supposed return to health is pursued through a ‘fight against harmful outside influences’ and the totality of the individual is left out. Emphasis is placed on diagnosing diseases by addressing patient’s symptoms. Within this diagnostic approach the “owner” of the body and their part in the disease process is often excluded. Looking at illness from this perspective personal power and self-responsibility is often given over to the health practitioner rather than remaining with the individual.

During my many years as a journalist, free lance writer, public speaker, life coach and group leader I have observed many advancements within the preventative health movement and how it is more generally accepted in mainstream thinking. There are increasing numbers who are seeking a more holistic approach to their health problems than settling for symptom relief. The emerging consciousness in health and healing has a different framework for managing illness and disease. Allopathic medicine is based on a physical examination and sees disease as the enemy. This method creates an air of hopelessness and helplessness and asks the salient question “Why me?” As an alternative health problems are viewed as something self-created by a lack of understanding about natural principles. It asks, “Why now, and what needs changing?” This approach is corrective, optimistic and empowering rather than antagonistic, overwhelming and fear-based.

True healing requires a multi-dimensional approach. Within new frontiers in health and healing there is a convergence of body-mind-emotion-spirit and energy. This direction is epitomized by some new hybrid sciences with pioneers Candace Pert at the National Institute of Mental Health in Bethesda, Maryland. She spearheads research in the biology of emotions. Her approach is called psycho-neuroimmuology or PNI. Her specialty involves the study of biological interaction and blood chemistry and how the mind, emotion and beliefs influence physical health.

Others in this field include the Symington’s, and Dr. Bernie Siegel. They worked with cancer patients and discovered that neuro-peptides within the body are carriers of information. The concept within the biochemistry of emotions developed through studies that revealed how positive images and affirmations raised the immune system’s white blood cell count. Studies with patients who were unwilling to accept cancer as a verdict coupled with strong determination to overcome their diagnosis had a higher survival rate that those who gave in to resignation. Pioneering doctors within the whole person healing movement have come to accept that seeming ‘miracles’ are often a direct result of the patient’s shift in consciousness. Physicians and psychological specialists report that in their experience catastrophic disease often serves as a call that patients need to examine other aspects of their life and how they had lived it prior to their illness. Those who are willing to consider the benefits of whole person healing methods provide new support for the body’s defense mechanisms. Every doctor admits that they do not heal the body…the body heals itself. The best any practitioner can hope to do is create the proper environment for that to occur.

In North American society mainstream medical practices of symptom relief and management has been at the forefront. However, it is still a relatively new modalities compared to healing systems of old. Chinese medical practices have a far greater record of success than the modern approach of treating symptoms rather than addressing the root cause of disease. In ancient China physicians were paid to keep people well. When patients became ill…all reimbursements stopped until full health was restored. To this day Chinese doctors work with patients to restore balance and energy to the body so it can heal itself. Their approach was and still is very holistic. They teach patients the ‘art of living’ by encouraging balanced, accountable living, moderation in all things, sound nutrition, proper breathing, positive thinking and supplements only as needed. They use acupuncture as a means of creating proper energy flows within the innate life force or ‘chi’ within the body.

This is a radically different approach than the ones taken in modern medicine. This term is based upon the principle of counter-action: using medicines to impede or reverse unwanted symptoms. The preventative and holistic approach to health and healing is like an umbrella that includes a variety of methods. Instead of masking symptoms and ignoring root causes it looks for deeper and inter-related connections. With the modern approach to intervention it is similar to seeing a red light on the dash board of a car. The mechanic chooses to sever the connecting wire and the light goes off and the driver carries on in blind faith that ‘symptom relief’ has fixed the problem. However, we all know what kinds of crisis that occur down the road. Using medication to mask the symptom may work for awhile…but eventually the problem will come back…because it never really went away. Within this approach there is no need for thoughtful, accountable choice making because temporary discomforts have been assuaged.

The significant difference within whole person healing is that there is a call to living a more aware, accountable life and considering the consequences of choice every step of the way. Whole person healing emphasizes restoration of balance in every area of life and a willingness to give up, alter or exchange detrimental life patterns for those that will lead to health within body, mind, spirit, emotional and energy fields. Awareness, accountability, choice and consequence are the main co-factors within new frontiers in health and healing. It is up to each of us to decide what path will lead us where we want to be. Listed below are some of the key themes within each system:


ALLOPATHIC MEDICINE:

ADVERSARIAL: Disease process is treated by symptom relief within terms that reflect adversarial nature: “military rhetoric used to describe problem: “germ warfare, attack, fight disease, battle against, build defenses, etc."

DISEMPOERMENT: Treatment is based on the professional’s mind-set. Outside authorities “manage” disease. Patients are expected to follow dictates without question. “Them” versus “us” approach. Alternative or holistic approaches usually discouraged and/or rejected.

EXTERNAL CAUSALITY: Disease-orientated approach. Focus is outside the patient, Viruses, bacteria, poisons, cellular degeneration, things ‘growing’ separation of mind- body-emotions-spirit.

INTERVENTION AND SUBSTITUTION: Drug therapy, injections, treatments are geared for interrupting, altering immediate reduction of symptoms. “Cures” are approached through labeling, controlling, reducing or destroying symptoms creating the disease rather than considering contributing factors that created it.

ATAVISTIC: Considerations to lifestyle, attitude stressors, family dynamics, body, mind, emotional states are usually excluded from the cause and effect of disease and health problems and illness of any kind.

DISASSOCIATION FROM NATURAL WORLD: Disease is viewed as an assault from outward influences with little consideration given to other contributing co-factors.

PREVENTATIVE AND WHOLE PERSON (HOLISTIC) APPROACH

PROACTIVE, PLURALISTIC: Emphasis is placed upon awareness, understanding, acceptance, self-reliance, prevention, education, informed choice-making, fitness, and responsibility

BEHAVIORAL, INNER DIRECTED: Illness and disease are seen as a process and inseparable from the patient. Awareness develops about the co-factors of diet, livelihood, relationships, stress, attitude, habits, beliefs and their effect of health, well-being and quality of life.

EDUCATIONAL AND EGALITARIAN, Focus is placed on long-term results and removal of root causes. Patient and professionals work together and emphasize awareness, accountability and action. Their aim is for long-term results through whole person healing and spirit-mind-body unity.

TRANSPERSONAL: Embracing loving relationships seek unity and support from others…spiritual awareness and search for universal dimensions in life. Openness to the healing power of love, prayer, pets, ceremony and life-affirming belief systems.

CORRECTIVE, CO-OPERATIVE, MULTI-OPTIONED: Seeks diversity of healing modalities from doctors, patients, therapists, families, support groups as therapeutic team members that work together. Thoughts, language suggests choice, empowerment, self-responsibility, unity and positive outcomes.

ENVIRONMENTAL: Understanding and acceptance of the need for dependence on clean, unpolluted air, water, food, and a connection to the natural world. The fundamental premise within an environmental framework is that the body knows how to heal given the opportunity and support needed in every area of life that will allow it to do so.

APOLOGIES THAT AREN"T

By Coralie Darsey-Malloy

WHY you do something
is more important
than HOW you do.

--Dr. Robert Anthony

Anyone with an once of awareness can see how many people resort to a offering apologies that have about as much weight as a feather, They are so superficial I cannot help but say, “Why bother?” These disingenuous apologies are not that hard to spot…but just in case you haven’t been exposed to them I’ll offer a couple of examples. In my view…it is all in the phrasing. “I am sorry YOU are upset.” Now admittedly this lovely little phrase does have a slightly apologetic flavor to it…but if you pause for a moment there is a double level message within it. What I hear is more self-serving. It goes like this. “Hmmmm if you are annoyed you might give me a hard time. If that occurs my needs won't met. So yes, I am really sorry you are upset…but not so much so that I am willing to take responsibility for me actions and admit that to you.”

If one listens closely this type of self-serving communication it is reaching epidemic proportions. Perhaps the prevalence of it in everyone from politicians, felons and everyday interaction is leaving people immune to it. I assume they are desensitized because no one seems to call anyone on it…especially in the media. There is no real effort made to hold people accountable…and that has been especially so within American politics and all their spin doctors who always dodge questions that would force them to answer the hard questions.

I was watching a television court show and there was a rapist who looked into the eyes of the victim and said in a monotone voice; “I am sorry for any pain the incident caused you and your family.” The family sat blankly staring as the perpetrator recited hollow words…and it was clear that his response only amplified their suffering. His insincere apology seemed to be a way of saying that he was sorry he got caught—not for the lasting impact of his choices upon the family. Speaking in a detached way about ‘the incident’ is a big red flag for me. A more authentic response would have revealed some understanding and regret about the ripple effect of their choices and how it altered the quality of someone else’s life.

Tainted apologies never include that. Most people are willing to pause for a moment if a sincere apology is offered. Within this exchange there is more openness to hearing the other person’s position. Compare an apology like this to the previous example. “I acted irresponsibly or my words were insensitive and I am truly sorry.” Or; “I will have to live with the pain and my actions have brought to you and your loved ones for the rest of my life. I deeply regret what I did and will have to live with that for the rest of my life. These types of apologies have a very different feel to it than apologies that ‘aren’t. ‘

There is another tract shameless apologizers take. They divert attention away from their actions and towards the other person’s responses. If they are really good manipulators they may even use the “I” word that doesn’t sound as accusatory as “you. The scenario plays out in this way; "I see that you are angry and perhaps we should talk about why YOU are having such an intense reaction. What a pile of malarkey! Especially if they present themselves as calm, cool and collected in the process. This veiled, verbal baloney attempts to avoid any remorse and indirectly suggests that any justifiable anger is the other person’s problem. Their condescending manner suggests that the injured party has no right to feel frustrated, hurt or annoyed. When that doesn’t achieve the desired effect they may pull out the guilt card and say,“YOU are making ME feel guilty!" At this point the injured party’s emotions often go through the roof. That type of self-centered behavior adds to the original wound and puts people on the defensive. Do shameless apologizers care? Not usually—because they are rooted in a need to indulge themselves in narcissist, self-absorbed behaviors rather than ‘getting real,’ growing up and owning their part within any conflicted situation.

Now let me clarify one thing here I am all for emotions of guilt, shame and remorse. They are a needed aspect of making sure we live consciously and are essential to maintaining a civilized society. An appropriate amount of remorse is always needed to set things right. That holds true for both sides within conflicted situations. What I am suggesting is that we hone our ‘c#@p’ detecting skills and hold immature cowards up to greater scrutiny. Is that really to much for us to expect? From my perspective those who genuinely want to ask for forgiveness need to be willing to request it within a spirit of authenticity. It might go something like this; “I feel very ashamed and remorseful about what I did…so much so that it is hard for me to ask for your forgiveness.” Another version of the sincere apology could be stated this way. “I can see things from your position. From where I am now it is clear that I may never be able to make up for my past mistakes—but I am going to do my best to learn from it and never do it again.”

Believe me I know how hard these heartfelt apologies are not easy to deliver. From both our professional and personal experiences David and I have had to get over ourselves on more than a few occasions. In our work in conflict resolution and mediation we have witnessed more than a few painful blow-ups because neither side was willing to truly accept responsibility for their part in any upset, During the many years we have been working in the communication field we have learned the importance of letting others know that there is recognition and acceptance of our errors in judgment…and a commitment to changing. Similarly we have a right to expect nothing less from others when we are on the receiving end. Anything less from both sides will only cause more hurt, regret and possibly inflame things even more. So the difference within the apologies that ARE versus the ones that AREN’T involve a mix of emotional maturity, self-responsibility and enough backbone to own up to our errors in judgment. It is only with this level of integrity that we can ever hope to use our transgressions as stepping stone to becoming people who live more conscious, honorable lives.

FOR EVERY ACTION...

THERE IS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION

By Coralie Darsey-Malloy

We can act as if there were a God:
Feel as if we were free;
Consider Nature as if she
Were full of special designs;
Lay plans as if we were to be immortal;
We may find that these words
Actually make a genuine difference
In our moral life.

--William James

My mother raised me to live by the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I loved those words growing up and I appreciate their significance even more today. While attending the annual general meeting at a local shelter for battered women one of presenters made a comment that created a ‘light-bulb’ moment for me when he said; “With enough love we could resolve all of our human rights issues.” I have been using the ‘pay it forward’ principle and passing that idea on whenever I can. When you pause and allow the truth of it sink in…it opens the mind to a world of possibilities.

So even though the Golden Rule was something Mom and I tried to live by there were times I wasn’t kind, thoughtful or generous. Being raised by an abusive alcoholic father and an enabling mother we were one of those ‘poster child families for dysfunction.’ Patterns within my family of origin led to a variety of health and personal problems for me and there were times I said and did things that went against my better self. There was a tendency to be critical and speak in ways there were insensitive, unthinking…and at times unkind. There was a period in life where I was perpetually late and unreliable because of the chaos within my own life. I had enough awareness to know I was letting people down…but felt ill-equipped to do anything about it.

When I did things that went against the ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ I often trying to justify it away rather than taking a self-responsible approach. What I did not understand back then was that all our actions, both favorable and unfavorable eventually come back to us; and usually not from those we have acted toward. Over the years I have studied everything from physics, metaphysics, theology and the world’s great religions, Buddhism, Eastern religions, Aboriginal Spirituality, the Kabala, Islam, Mysticism, Wicca and Paganism. Through every teaching there is one common thread within them all. In physics there is the third law of motion…that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Within new age thinking people refer to it as Karma.

Once I grasped the larger implications of this ‘law’ I realized the importance of doing a course correction and begin making more responsible choices. Whether people choose to accept it or not every thought, choice and action revolves around us…similar to the earth revolving around the sun. Many are rediscovering this timeless, ageless with the release of ‘The Secret and the Law of Attraction. David and I have applied the principle with some astounding results in different areas of life. Now whenever something is not working we know it is time to stop and examine what we are thinking, doing and saying. Once people begin to assess their attitudes, beliefs and choices they quickly discover that they begin to lead their own lives rather than having life lead them.

Today I have a larger commitment than ever to walk my talk and strive to keep my inner and outer worlds in balance. Living an authentic, accountable life is immensely freeing. As I was able to move through the challenges of my past, transform them and integrate the valuable lessons it became easier to give back to others in unconditional ways. During my healing journey an amazing thing occurred…I learned that happiness is not something you get from other people…it comes in direct proportion to the amount of love you give to others. The; “What goes around, comes around principle continually confirms that the more love we give out...the more of it comes back. Having reached this stage I do my best to live from my center rather than by the opinions of others which is focusing on what feels right, good and loving. After years of abuse and feeling unloved I now know that love isn’t supposed to hurt...and real love doesn’t.

In our personal and professional lives we continually see truly amazing changes occur when individuals let go of anger and resentment with friends, co-workers—family that make more loving choices. When love is chosen it is always comes back. The ‘what goes around comes around ‘law of reciprocity is an active principle that governs the cause and effect. When we observe each other it is clear that everyone is performing ‘live’ on the stage we call life. Returns for actions, thoughts and deeds may come in slowly and be less obvious at first…and often accelerate once awareness develops.

It eventually becomes easier to pick up on loving and unloving behaviors and choose accordingly. In closing I decided to include the following poem because it eloquently reminds us how important loving, unconditional giving is within our daily exchanges with others. Random acts of kindness improve the quality of life…and what makes love so important to all of us. So here it is a salute to all those everyday angels who are a blessing whenever they touch our lives…or we touch theirs.

WHAT DO ANGELS LOOK LIKE?

Like the little old lady who returned your wallet yesterday.

Like the taxi driver who told you thatyour eyes light up the world, when you smile.

Like the small child who showed youthe wonder in simple things.

Like the poor man who offeredto share his lunch with you.

Like the rich man who showed you it really is all possible, if only you believe.

Like the stranger who just happened to come along,

when you had lost your way.

Like the friend who touched your heart,

when you didn't think you had one left to touch.

Angels come in all sizes and shapes,

All ages and skin types.

Some with freckles,

some with dimples,some with wrinkles,

some without.

They come disguised as friends,

enemies,teachers, students, lovers and fools.

They don't take life too seriously,

They travel light.They leave no forwarding address,

They ask for nothing in return.

They wear sneakers with gossamer wings,

They get a deal on dry cleaning.

They are hard to find when your eyes are closed,

But

They are everywhere you look when you choose to see.

--Veronica M. Hay

WHO NEEDS THE FASHION POLICE?

By Coralie Raia Darsey-Malloy

Fashions…after all…are only induced epidemics.

--George Bernard Shaw

Watching the often brash, rude, arrogant and self-righteous attitudes of the fashion police I cannot help but wonder who appointed them to such an exalted position. They are so off-putting at times that it seems rather strange that otherwise intelligent, successful people fall prey to their judgmental comments about attire. Between fall and spring award shows start within the entertainment industry. Oh joy...that brings a whole bevy of obnoxious, opinionated zealots out of the woodwork. They deck themselves out with microphone in hand and stand upon the fashionably correct ‘red’ carpet. Then they wait like stalkers seeking their prey...until they can pounce upon actors/actresses weaving their way through the cheering masses.

It is endlessly fascinating to observe how the fashion police are often gushy and complimentary to their interviewee’s faces. Then...night becomes day...and the gushing from the night before changes. The ‘fashioneesta police’ morph into a shrieking wild person shouting their distain on as many talk shows as possible. With hands over their mouths they say; OMG…did you see what he/she was wearing…what WERE they thinking?” As if that isn’t bad enough…they proudly post their worst and best dressed lists in a harsh, judgmental tone. Good grief…when did we get to the point that what someone is wearing to an award show is a newsworthy item? Beats me.

Who the bleep cares what they think anyway? Whatever happened to having the confidence to figure things out for oneself about something as benign as clothing? And while I am ranting in my humble opinion some of the fashion attack squads don't represent polished perfection either. But then I don't pretend to be an expert on anything. Sooooo I can say what I think… and not worry about whether it is right or wrong because it is just my perspective…and you can take it or leave it.

GROWING UP—WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ANYWAY?

By Coralie Raia Darsey-Malloy

Passion keeps one fully present…
so that time becomes a series of mutually exclusive ‘nows.’

--Sue Halpern

From my understanding growing up means settling into some form of employment and eventually losing sight of all the things that were fun and frivolous as kids. That doesn't work for me. The older I get the clearer it becomes that fun, frivolity and spontaneity are not supposed to be abandoned when we 'grow up.' I could never envision myself staying at a job that I didn’t like. I guess I’ve never allowed myself to feel that desperate. In my view life is about learning through experience. It is pretty hard to learn new things if you do the same thing day in day out. At this point in life I prefer quality rather than quantity and although my experiences have shown that I can be happy with a lot less. Less frenetic activities, less spending, less spending of time, energy, money, resources…in general more simplified living. Period!

For years before coming to this epiphany I overextended myself in every area of life. Much of the time I was trying hard to live up to everyone’s expectations but my own, especially in the job market. After spending eight hours a day doing things that didn’t interest me for a number of years I quit. Did that make me irresponsible? In the eyes of some people…absolutely! They could not fathom how I could give up a secure position with benefits to pursue a more creative lifestyle. By that time their opinions did not matter because my decision had become more about the quality of life and personal satisfaction than job security. I was mentally prepared to downsize anything so that I could begin living a better life.

When David and I became life and business partners we continued our risk taking and even though we made a few not-too-great financial choices we had a grand ride while we were doing it. When all is said and done we learned a lot and I probably would do most of it all over again. The greatest benefit from the roller coaster rides of the past is how much I appreciate being in a more stable place today.

Making the decision to live life on your own terms as long as you’re willing to accept the consequences can re-frame the whole question of responsibility and growing up. When other people decide to down-size their lifestyle to pursue a different career path are they less mature--or just inventive? It seems that growing up involves settling into structure and routine and holding on to that security regardless of the toll it takes. Admittedly those patterns are necessary during different phases. Problems arise when the routine becomes so ingrained that spontaneity goes out the window.

Think about the number of young people who are ‘conditioned’ to meet societal and family expectations rather than being encouraged to be whom they are. Budding artists become doctors, lawyers, teachers or anything else that meets authority figure’s expectations. Not that there is anything wrong with that if that is what they want to do. The growing up part is only problematic when those dictates conflict with other innate desires.

As one matures imagination and intuition are sometimes frowned upon by teachers and care-givers. As individuals move through the system there is little encouragement for what a child believes exists within unseen realms. Fairies, gnomes, giants, invisible friends and allies are all dismissed as childhood fantasies that must be put aside by a certain age. Sadly that does not leave much room for an open exploration into the wealth of mystical teachings that have been around much longer than conventional thinking in modern society. In many cultures a belief in an energetic connection to the unseen is what defines their spirituality.

Yet even in the face of all the nay-sayers years research has finally created a return to the validity of the power of imagination and visualization. Lo and behold there is now greater acceptance that the mind and body cannot distinguish between physical events and visual enactments. The responses are the same. So why do adults limit their intuitive knowing as they grow up? My guess is somewhere along the line enough people dissuaded them and they bought into it. After all they are bigger and wiser—or are they?

Part of part of the fun of being a pre-schooler is that there are no solid time-frames about how and when you should do things--well except bed-time. Too bad we are not encouraged to maintain some of those youthful ways as we age. I felt so strongly about this that David and I developed a course for Creative Retirement Manitoba called ‘youthing versus ageing.’ The mature adults who participated clearly confirmed that one never truly ages if they continue to approach life in an atmosphere of exploration, intuition and imagination. The way I see it those ageless wonders have got it aced by refusing to allow others to tell them they are too old to be doing anything. The are too busy living their best life by staying fit, strong, and flexible in mind, spirit and body and living in the ‘now-ness’ of their experiences

After years of working with people at different stages of life I have seen how some have an ageless quality about them no matter how many times they've been around the sun. Then there are others--young ones who seem old and jaded before their time. Those glaring differences prompted me to navigate the landscape of my inner world and I finally made a decision not to ‘grow up.’ Not if it requires settling into stereotypical frameworks that dictate how to look, act and dress at any particular age. I intend to show respect for differences...but I am far enough along the path that I refuse to imprison by the opinions of others when they don’t work for me.

Maybe if enough people do it we’ll start a trend and if we do I bet we’ll start see happier, fulfilled people of all ages…and wouldn’t that be a pleasant change? . Doing things on the spur of the moment keeps things fresh. Life is too short to allow it to become routine and ordinary. David and I live by the credo…you are only young once but if you allow yourself---you can be a kid forever!

STUPID, IGNORANT, DON'T CARE OR.....ALL THE ABOVE?

By Coralie Raia Darsey-Malloy

A learned blockhead…is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one.

--Benjamin Franklin

Some time ago my partner David and I watched a documentary about the increasing stupidity within society. Then more recently the movie Idiocracy came out and it is a relief to know that we are not the only ones who are concerned about how increasing numbers of people seem to be making some really stupid choices. Do you people are ignorant, unaware, don’t care…or are those who make stupid choices getting more air time? Everyday there are more glaring examples of people’s inability to consider the consequences of their behavior. The lack of foresight shows up in everyday life within the political area, entertainment industry and religious leaders and everyday people in everyday events. We cannot overlook the television shows that reveal the dumbest criminals…and CNN’s has Anderson Cooper’s on “What were they thinking?” It shows some stupid people doing some really stupid things. So the question remains…is the interest in stupid behaviors just a trend or is society really ‘dumbing down?”

Some of my other observations about whether people are stupid or don’t care shows up during crazy weather conditions. Too many drivers don’t adjust to road conditions and ‘wham’…another big 'oops' has a wipeout! Stupid, don’t care, distracted, overworked, stressed out…all of the above? Whatever it is they are up there with those who imbibe and drive. How stupid is that? Do they really think they can break all the rules without consequence? I guess so…especially with the outstanding role models constantly being showcased within the entertainment industry.

Here’s another one. My hubby was visiting a friend in the hospital. While walking down the hall he observed some nurses coming out of a seminar. As one in particular came out the door he heard her mucos-ladden coughing as it echoed down the halls. How stupid does anyone have to be not to realize that spewing her virus or bacterial infection throughout a facility of sick people is not a great idea?

Staying with that theme…then there are those who enthusiastically hug, kiss and hold hands in an intimate sharing moment. Then right afterward they cough, sneeze and pull out a soggy tissue and blow their noses. The final kicker is upon departure they grab a hand or give a final hug before and EVER SO LOVINGLY transfer whatever they had to the very person they claim to care about. Huh? What the heck is that about? If a person really cares they could simply say I’d love to share a hug—but I’m infected and I care too much about you to pass it on.” In my opinion that would be the smart thing to do.

In closing I am not going to claim that I have never made stupid choices or done seemingly stupid things…and there are no failures is you learn something. Maybe stupid is as stupid does when you know better and keep doing it anyway. How about sharing.. do you have any ‘stupid observations' that you'd like to share? Comments anyone?

RUDENESS, ROAD RAGE... GET OVER YOURSELF

By Coralie Raia Darsey-Malloy

Anger is one letter short
of danger.

--Dr. Robert Anthony

I cannot help but notice how rude, opinionated and intense many in society are becoming. What the heck is going on? Is life so out of control that people ‘lose it’ in the most mundane circumstances? It would appear so.

During the last few years I have observed people pushing, shoving, yelling …even trampling each other in an attempt to buy the newest computer game or the latest ‘must have’ toy for their kids. Come on folks what kind of a role model are they presenting for their children? Do they think it is acceptable behavior...or do they just not care? How about the people who give the finger to follow drivers as THEY they cut YOU off? Does any amount of rumbling, uncontrolled anger and emotional immaturity give them the right to take a baseball bat to another’s vehicle...all in the name of road rage?

I work in the field of personal development and here are a few suggestions that could assist 'road ragers' in calming down before they cause themselves and others some serious harm.
First off , time management begins with self management..so how about allowing more time before leaving the house? Put things you need to take by the door the night before so there won't be a mad scramble searching for things and turning up the volume on frustration before you get behind the wheel.

Try taking a few deep inhales and exhales...that is a simple, effective and known way of calming the mind and body. When you get in the car try listening to some melodic music or anger management tapes or CD's..even if you are running late. Working oneself up is not going to get anyone...anywhere any faster. So you may as well sit back and assess why lateness may be a recurring theme. While driving it could be useful to give some thought to how absolutely riduculous it is to allow road rage and rude behavior to dictate anyone's behavior. Rudeness, venting, raging, whining, blaming is hard enough to listen to and accept in an out of control child—but in grown, supposedly mature individuals? Well.....you get the picture.

Come on people...you may not be able to control WHAT happens...but we all can CHOOSE how to respond. How about choosing to to calm down, grow up, get some help and most importantly get over yourself! At least this is one persective...on how to develop a more healthy, balanced way of life. How about yours?